Boundaries in dating by henry cloud and john townsend


24-Sep-2017 23:13

To do this they need to intrude on the emotional boundaries of other people just as their father or mother may have done.They would in all likelihood grow up with fluid boundaries, that cause them to swing between feelings of engulfment on the one hand and abandonment on the other inevitably leading to dysfunctional relationships later on in life.We may even endure objectification, (an attitude in which we are no longer perceived as feeling human-being but just an object, a part of the family system), in the form of physical, emotional or sexual abuse just to save the relationship.The more rational alternative is to find out who we are and what makes us unique, and we will rejoice in the freedom of this discovery.What the children are likely to learn in this situation is that boundaries don't matter, that indeed they, as individual human beings, don't matter except where they are useful for the emotional needs of others.As they grow up in their families of origin, they lack the support they need from parents or caregivers to form a healthy sense of their own identities. In fact, they may learn that to get their needs met they must get their way with others.Such boundaries come from having a good sense of our own self-worth.One feature of a healthy sense of self is the way we understand and work with our emotional boundaries.

Conversely, they may learn that rigid and inflexible boundaries might be the way to handle their relationships with other people.The similarities between two people may bring them together, but in an ideal partnership, sometimes called interdependent, their differences are respected and contribute to the growth of their relationship which aids in the growth of the individuals in that relationship.